zk_html/diary/2020-04-10.html

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                <h1>Zk | 2020-04-10</h1>
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                <p><span class="tag">diary</span> <span class="tag">executive-function</span> <span class="tag">depression</span> <span class="tag">covid-19</span></p>
<p>Another day of depression, another day of failing to do the things that I need to do. I still feel the tendrils of burnout pulling me down. They're trapping me and keeping me from moving on with my life. The minute I have a task that I need to complete that involves any sort of organization, I just...can't. I sit and stare at the screen. I panic. I dissociate. I cry. I sit on the couch with my phone and watch [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbFT7kCFo9Q|wordless]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvL83-iy-EQ|competency]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PwAQZNLy0I|porn]]. Is there any reason I should do anything other than fall short of expectations?</p>
<p>Obviously that's not quite how the world works. Authors need to be paid, emails need responding to, tasks need completed. Until WA gets their unemployment system fixed, I need to keep on top of applying for jobs. These are all things I <em>need</em> to do, and yet they are things that I have so much trouble actually doing.</p>
<p>Maybe it's burnout, but maybe it's just the usual depression mixed with the hopelessness inherent in both another failed election cycle and a global pandemic. Who knows?</p>
<p>I just sit here, dilating for too long, and try not to think.</p>
<p>== Todo ==</p>
<ul>
<li class="done0"> Respond to Hybrid authors</li>
<li class="done0"> Pay Small Loves authors</li>
<li class="done0"> Finish Acethetic reading</li>
<li class="done0"> Patreon posts for Qoheleth</li>
<li class="done4"> Write a chapter, edit a chapter</li>
</ul>
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                <p>Page generated on 2020-04-24</p>
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update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`<!doctype html>`
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update from sparkleup 2020-04-16 06:28:15 +00:00			`<title>Zk \| 2020-04-10</title>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />`
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update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 23:45:06 +00:00			`<h1>Zk \| 2020-04-10</h1>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`</header>`
			`<article class="content">`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 10:35:07 +00:00			`<p><span class="tag">diary</span> <span class="tag">executive-function</span> <span class="tag">depression</span> <span class="tag">covid-19</span></p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 23:45:06 +00:00			<p>Another day of depression, another day of failing to do the things that I need to do. I still feel the tendrils of burnout pulling me down. They're trapping me and keeping me from moving on with my life. The minute I have a task that I need to complete that involves any sort of organization, I just...can't. I sit and stare at the screen. I panic. I dissociate. I cry. I sit on the couch with my phone and watch [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbFT7kCFo9Q\|wordless]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvL83-iy-EQ\|competency]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PwAQZNLy0I\|porn]]. Is there any reason I should do anything other than fall short of expectations?</p>
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 10:37:23 +00:00			`<p>Obviously that's not quite how the world works. Authors need to be paid, emails need responding to, tasks need completed. Until WA gets their unemployment system fixed, I need to keep on top of applying for jobs. These are all things I <em>need</em> to do, and yet they are things that I have so much trouble actually doing.</p>`
			`<p>Maybe it's burnout, but maybe it's just the usual depression mixed with the hopelessness inherent in both another failed election cycle and a global pandemic. Who knows?</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 10:35:07 +00:00			`<p>I just sit here, dilating for too long, and try not to think.</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 23:45:06 +00:00			`<p>== Todo ==</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`<ul>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 10:37:23 +00:00			`<li class="done0"> Respond to Hybrid authors</li>`
			`<li class="done0"> Pay Small Loves authors</li>`
			`<li class="done0"> Finish Acethetic reading</li>`
			`<li class="done0"> Patreon posts for Qoheleth</li>`
			`<li class="done4"> Write a chapter, edit a chapter</li>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`</ul>`
			`</article>`
			`<footer>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-24 08:35:08 +00:00			`<p>Page generated on 2020-04-24</p>`
update from sparkleup 2020-04-11 05:34:57 +00:00			`</footer>`
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