update from sparkleup
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<p>While neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, the fact that it meant that they <em>had</em> to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back, as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.</p>
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<p>While neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, the fact that it meant that they <em>had</em> to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back, as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.</p>
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<p>There was still work to be done, of course. May still had her monologue, which she tried taking in a few different directions, some of which worked well and some less so. Ioan coached her in writing as best ey could, talking her down from perfectionism fits that left her threatening to tear the whole thing up.</p>
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<p>There was still work to be done, of course. May still had her monologue, which she tried taking in a few different directions, some of which worked well and some less so. Ioan coached her in writing as best ey could, talking her down from perfectionism fits that left her threatening to tear the whole thing up.</p>
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<p>For eir part, ey still had a few projects on eir plate, not least of which was the upcoming book project that had been requested by Jonas. Ey poked at this every now and then, outlining the events to date and throwing a few thousand words at it here and there.</p>
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<p>For eir part, ey still had a few projects on eir plate, not least of which was the upcoming book project that had been requested by Jonas. Ey poked at this every now and then, outlining the events to date and throwing a few thousand words at it here and there.</p>
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<p>Mostly, though, ey dealt in letters to and from the other members of eir clade. Vast, dramatic events were happening elsewhere — as they always seemed to when an Odist was involved — and ey couldn’t simply put them away to deal with all that was going on at home. The break from dealing with the affairs of True Name and Jonas was a welcome on.</p>
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<p>Mostly, though, ey dealt in letters to and from the other members of eir clade. Vast, dramatic events were happening elsewhere — as they always seemed to when an Odist was involved — and ey couldn’t simply put them away to deal with all that was going on at home. The break from dealing with the affairs of True Name and Jonas was a welcome one.</p>
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<p>The one conversation of note came on the fourth day after the merge, when the skunk asked, “How did you two get together?”</p>
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<p>The one conversation of note came on the fourth day after the merge, when the skunk asked, “How did you two get together?”</p>
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<p>Both Ioan and May had stared at her until she held up her hands.</p>
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<p>Both Ioan and May had stared at her until she held up her hands.</p>
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<p>“Other than the forces behind the scenes. I mean.”</p>
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<p>“Other than the forces behind the scenes. I mean.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “I don’t know how else to put it. I felt compersion for them, like the opposite of jealousy. I was happy for them, and it felt good to know that those things were possible.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “I don’t know how else to put it. I felt compersion for them, like the opposite of jealousy. I was happy for them, and it felt good to know that those things were possible.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded. “That is the word I would use to describe my feelings towards May Then My Name, if it is not too forward of me to say.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded. “That is the word I would use to describe my feelings towards May Then My Name, if it is not too forward of me to say.”</p>
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<p>Eir partner smiled and reached out across the dining table to pat at True Name’s paw.</p>
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<p>Eir partner smiled and reached out across the dining table to pat at True Name’s paw.</p>
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<p>“It is what I feel for End Waking and Debarre, too, though in a far more round-about way. I have memories of the ways in which End Waking changed in order to let Debarre into his life, but I cannot place them in context. I do not have what is required to understand them, I may watch them, I may understand one at a time, but integration of all of them eludes me. Those experiences which are left to integrate are the ones clashing the most.” She gave a frustrated sigh and shook her head. “I can remember what it feels to fall in love but not what to do then. I can remember what it feels like to be in love but not how I got there.”</p>
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<p>“It is what I feel for End Waking and Debarre, too, though in a far more round-about way. I have memories of the ways in which End Waking changed in order to let Debarre into his life, but I cannot place them in context. I do not have what is required to understand them, I may watch them, I may understand one at a time, but integration of all of them eludes me. Those experiences which are left to integrate are the ones clashing the most.” She gave a frustrated sigh and shook her head. “I can remember what it feels like to fall in love but not what to do then. I can remember what it feels like to be in love but not how I got there.”</p>
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<p>Ioan and May glanced at each other briefly, but both nodded.</p>
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<p>Ioan and May glanced at each other briefly, but both nodded.</p>
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<p>“It has not been a priority for you,” May said. “If it has not been important, if it has felt like a distraction, then there is no reason to simply know how to do all of that. I do wish you the best, though.”</p>
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<p>“It has not been a priority for you,” May said. “If it has not been important, if it has felt like a distraction, then there is no reason to simply know how to do all of that. I do wish you the best, though.”</p>
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<p>“Didn’t you say you’d felt love for Zacharias, though?”</p>
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<p>“Didn’t you say you’d felt love for Zacharias, though?”</p>
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<p>“It’s just the amanuensis in me.” Ey tried to laugh it away. “Why’d you ask about this, anyway?”</p>
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<p>“It’s just the amanuensis in me.” Ey tried to laugh it away. “Why’d you ask about this, anyway?”</p>
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<p>She smirked. “You mean beyond the fact that I just told you I am having trouble integrating the memories?”</p>
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<p>She smirked. “You mean beyond the fact that I just told you I am having trouble integrating the memories?”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, actually. Why those memories? I would have thought his repentance would have caused more clashes.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, actually. Why those memories? I would have thought his repentance would have caused more clashes.”</p>
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<p>“It is,” she replied slowly. “But these are more comforting to work with. They had their fights, as I am sure all couples do, but even those are full of love. I do not–” She shook her head firmly, then stood and bowed. “I need to go for a walk. Thank you both.”</p>
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<p>“It is,” she replied slowly. “But these are more comforting to work with. They had their fights, as I am sure all couples do, but even those are full of love. I do not–” She sniffled, shook her head firmly, then stood and bowed. “I need to go for a walk. Thank you both.”</p>
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<p>And with that, she stepped from the sim.</p>
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<p>And with that, she stepped from the sim.</p>
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<p>May groaned and crossed her arms on the table, resting her head on them. “I do not know what to think about her. I do not know what to think about any of this.”</p>
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<p>May groaned and crossed her arms on the table, resting her head on them. “I do not know what to think about her. I do not know what to think about any of this.”</p>
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<p>Ey echoed her movement, resting eir head on one of eir arms while the other petted over her ears a few times. “Me either. I don’t know where that conversation came from, and…well, it went alright, but I have no idea what she was asking about, so I kept feeling like I was about to fall in some conversational pit.”</p>
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<p>Ey echoed her movement, resting eir head on one of eir arms while the other petted over her ears a few times. “Me either. I don’t know where that conversation came from, and…well, it went alright, but I have no idea what she was asking about, so I kept feeling like I was about to fall in some conversational pit.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed and leaned down to kiss the side of the skunk’s muzzle. “Well, alright. Don’t fall over onto the table or anything.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed and leaned down to kiss the side of the skunk’s muzzle. “Well, alright. Don’t fall over onto the table or anything.”</p>
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<p>The rest of the afternoon passed easily enough. It was slow and boring, perhaps, but they did what they could to keep themselves entertained. Ioan walked. May did not manage a hand-stand, but she did wind up laying half off the couch, head nearly to the floor, for half an hour. They made lunch. They read.</p>
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<p>The rest of the afternoon passed easily enough. It was slow and boring, perhaps, but they did what they could to keep themselves entertained. Ioan walked. May did not manage a hand-stand, but she did wind up laying half off the couch, head nearly to the floor, for half an hour. They made lunch. They read.</p>
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<p>But always, there was an air of waiting. They were waiting for True Name to return, yes, but ey felt like they were also waiting for the other shoe to drop. They were waiting for her to feel whole again. They were waiting for everything to fall into place (or at least close enough) so that they could do this meeting with Jonas and get it over with.</p>
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<p>But always, there was an air of waiting. They were waiting for True Name to return, yes, but ey felt like they were also waiting for the other shoe to drop. They were waiting for her to feel whole again. They were waiting for everything to fall into place (or at least close enough) so that they could do this meeting with Jonas and get it over with.</p>
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<p>((Probably need more in here))</p>
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<p>“Do you think she’s just out there walking?” ey asked at one point.</p>
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<p>May shrugged. “If she is anything like True Name, yes. If she is anything like End Waking, then she is exploring. Climbing trees and walking along ravines.”</p>
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<p>“And if she’s both?”</p>
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<p>She sighed. “If she is both, then I do not know. If she is both, perhaps she is finding some new way to let loose all of those emotions she could not speak before.</p>
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<p>The skunk returned shortly before dinner. Both Ioan and May stood to greet her. The skunk looked dirty and scuffed up, and while her expression wasn’t grim, it came close. There was frustration there, perhaps anger as well.</p>
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<p>The skunk returned shortly before dinner. Both Ioan and May stood to greet her. The skunk looked dirty and scuffed up, and while her expression wasn’t grim, it came close. There was frustration there, perhaps anger as well.</p>
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<p><em>Overflowing,</em> ey thought, then tamped it down.</p>
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<p><em>Overflowing,</em> ey thought, then tamped it down.</p>
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<p>She bowed to them from the entryway and said, “Ioan, May Then My Name, thank you for hosting me and for all of your kindness.”</p>
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<p>She bowed to them from the entryway and said, “Ioan, May Then My Name, thank you for hosting me and for all of your kindness.”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned. “But…?”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned. “But…?”</p>
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<p>“Yes. But I need out. I need to be elsewhere. I walked as far as I could into the hills from the lake and, while I found the boundary of the sim, it is far enough away that I do not think I will feel cramped.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. But I need out. I need to be elsewhere. I walked as far as I could into the hills from the lake and, while I found the boundary of the sim, it is far enough away that I do not think I will feel cramped.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, what? You’re moving to Arrowhead Lake?”</p>
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<p>“Wait, what? You’re moving to Arrowhead Lake?”</p>
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<p>“If you decide to keep my room here, I may come back, but, my dear, I am going to lose my fucking mind if I simply stay in–” She sighed, took a deep breath, recomposed herself. “I am going to spend a few days out at the lake. I need…away. I need away from walls. I need away from you two, nice as you are, away from all of your happiness and comfort. I need away from speaking, from dwelling on the last few weeks. I need solitude.”</p>
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<p>“If you decide to keep my room here, I will come back, but, my dear, I am going to lose my fucking mind if I simply stay in–” She sighed, took a deep breath, recomposed herself. “I am going to spend a few days out at the lake. I need…away. I need away from walls. I need away from you two, nice as you are, away from all of your happiness and comfort. I need away from speaking, from dwelling on the last few weeks. I need solitude.”</p>
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<p>May had shied away from her down-tree instance the instant her temper started to rise, clutching tightly at eir hand, but Ioan stood eir ground as best ey could.</p>
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<p>May had shied away from her down-tree instance the instant her temper started to rise, clutching tightly at eir hand, but Ioan stood eir ground as best ey could.</p>
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<p>“Well, alright. It’s no trouble keeping your room, of course, and I guess there’s the tents already out there.”</p>
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<p>“Well, alright. It’s no trouble keeping your room, of course, and I guess there’s tents already out there.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, subsiding at the reasonable tone in eir voice. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, subsiding at the reasonable tone in eir voice. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”</p>
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<p>“Is there anything we can do to help?”</p>
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<p>“Is there anything we can do to help?”</p>
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<p>“Can you grant me ACLs to create supplies? There is nothing to hunt.”</p>
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<p>“Can you grant me ACLs to create supplies? There is nothing to hunt.”</p>
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<p>“Thank you both,” she said, more quietly this time. “Earnestly. It does mean a lot that you have both thought to help so much. I will be in touch.”</p>
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<p>“Thank you both,” she said, more quietly this time. “Earnestly. It does mean a lot that you have both thought to help so much. I will be in touch.”</p>
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<p>With that, she bowed, lifted her bags and axe, then stepped from the sim once more.</p>
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<p>With that, she bowed, lifted her bags and axe, then stepped from the sim once more.</p>
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<p>“What the hell…”</p>
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<p>“What the hell…”</p>
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<p>May took a moment to un-cringe from the whole experience, slowly relaxing her grip on eir hand. “I think perhaps she–“</p>
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<p>May took a solid minute to un-cringe from the whole experience, slowly relaxing her grip on eir hand. “I think perhaps she–“</p>
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<p>“Is overflowing?”</p>
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<p>“Is overflowing?”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded.</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded.</p>
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<p>Ey sighed, nodded. “That was my guess, too. I was going to say it came on pretty quick, but the last few days make a lot more sense with that as context.”</p>
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<p>Ey sighed, nodded. “That was my guess, too. I was going to say it came on pretty quick, but the last few days make a lot more sense with that as context.”</p>
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<p>“Well, come on, then. Let’s get some food in you and we can take it easy for the night and finish the preparations in the morning.”</p>
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<p>“Well, come on, then. Let’s get some food in you and we can take it easy for the night and finish the preparations in the morning.”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-19</p>
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<p>That was probably a good enough sign for em to get up. If the skunk was already to the point of being nonverbal, it wouldn’t do either of them any good to try and keep talking, regardless of how much ey wanted to address her every need.</p>
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<p>That was probably a good enough sign for em to get up. If the skunk was already to the point of being nonverbal, it wouldn’t do either of them any good to try and keep talking, regardless of how much ey wanted to address her every need.</p>
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<p>Coffee was a good first priority, though, and easily sorted. It was something ey could start and finish with little thought and which had a tangible outcome, a little bit of success rather than some ill-defined end-state.</p>
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<p>Coffee was a good first priority, though, and easily sorted. It was something ey could start and finish with little thought and which had a tangible outcome, a little bit of success rather than some ill-defined end-state.</p>
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<p>While waiting, ey pinged Douglas to let him know what was going on and to request a spot to sleep. After a moment’s hesitation, ey sent End Waking a quick message, as well. Ey received simple acknowledgements from both.</p>
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<p>While waiting, ey pinged Douglas to let him know what was going on and to request a spot to sleep. After a moment’s hesitation, ey sent End Waking a quick message, as well. Ey received simple acknowledgements from both.</p>
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<p>Ey doctored the skunk’s coffee to her liking and returned to the room to set it down on the bedside table closest to her, moving noisily enough that she’d know ey was there without being obnoxiously loud.</p>
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<p>Ey doctored the skunk’s coffee to her liking and returned to the room to set it down on the bedside table closest to her, taking a cue from True Name and moving noisily enough that she’d know ey was there without being obnoxiously loud.</p>
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<p>A moment’s thought was spent on shifting the weather in the sim to something warmer, more springlike. Ey’d heard enough kvetching about the snow the last few days to figure that might help as well.</p>
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<p>A moment’s thought was spent on shifting the weather in the sim to something warmer, more springlike. Ey’d heard enough kvetching about the snow the last few days to figure that might help as well.</p>
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<p>From there, ey spent an hour queuing up some meals for her, working in a cone of silence. Things that she’d mentioned as comfort foods in the past, all things that ey could cook emself or create in-sim through something acquired on the exchange. Chicken soup, mashed potatoes, more poor-skunk’s-risotto.</p>
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<p>From there, ey spent an hour queuing up some meals for her, working in a cone of silence. Things that she’d mentioned as comfort foods in the past, all things that ey could cook emself or create in-sim through something acquired on the exchange. Chicken soup, mashed potatoes, more poor-skunk’s-risotto.</p>
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<p>While ey was prepping an stocking the food, another thought occurred to em. It was unlikely, but True Name might need to come back to the house, either to create more goods or to sleep or just to get out of the elements. To keep this from bothering May while she took the time she needed, ey shifted the ACLs of the house to be owner-only, so that those trying to enter would have to specifically request access, then stepped just inside the other bedroom’s door and dug a new entry-point for True Name so that she could go just to the bedroom without entering the rest of the house.</p>
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<p>While ey was prepping an stocking the food, another thought occurred to em. It was unlikely, but True Name might need to come back to the house, either to create more goods or to sleep or just to get out of the elements. To keep this from bothering May while she took the time she needed, ey shifted the ACLs of the house to be owner-only, so that those trying to enter would have to specifically request access, then stepped just inside the other bedroom’s door and dug a new entry-point for True Name so that she could go just to the bedroom without entering the rest of the house.</p>
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<p>“Love you, May. Lots and lots.”</p>
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<p>“Love you, May. Lots and lots.”</p>
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<p>She managed to sign an I-love-you before pulling the ‘hood’ of blankets down enough to hide her face.</p>
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<p>She managed to sign an I-love-you before pulling the ‘hood’ of blankets down enough to hide her face.</p>
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<p>Knowing she’d only resent em if ey lingered or touched her again, ey clutched eir notebooks to eir chest, waved, and quickly stepped out to the field of dandelions and grass. The light and heat was a shock, and ey stood, swaying, for a moment, simply squinting out to the horizon.</p>
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<p>Knowing she’d only resent em if ey lingered or touched her again, ey clutched eir notebooks to eir chest, waved, and quickly stepped out to the field of dandelions and grass. The light and heat was a shock, and ey stood, swaying, for a moment, simply squinting out to the horizon.</p>
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<p>Ey queued up a message to Douglas and murmured, “I’m here, but going for a walk, first,” before walking away from the house.</p>
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<p>Ey queued up a message to Douglas and murmured, “I’m here, but going for a walk, first,” before heading away from the house.</p>
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<p>There was nothing out there. No destination. No variance in the rolling hills of well-tended grass and the yellow suns of dandelions. The only break at all in the landscape was Douglas’s house, and ey kept that at eir back.</p>
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<p>There was nothing out there. No destination. No variance in the rolling hills of well-tended grass and the yellow suns of dandelions. The only break at all in the landscape was Douglas’s house, and ey kept that at eir back.</p>
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<p>As ey walked, ey considered what it meant to overflow. Was it just an Odist thing? Certainly some aspects of it were. The way that Codrin described Dear’s manic forking, each instance left with simply a shard of its personality, felt very Dear. May, End Waking, and True Name’s overflowing all sounded uniquely them, as well, and A Finger Pointing mentioned that hers was different still, though had declined to expand on it.</p>
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<p>As ey walked, ey considered what it meant to overflow. Was it just an Odist thing? Certainly some aspects of it were. The way that Codrin described Dear’s manic forking, each instance left with simply a shard of its personality, felt very Dear. May, End Waking, and True Name’s overflowing all sounded uniquely them, as well, and A Finger Pointing mentioned that hers was different still, though had declined to expand on it.</p>
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<p>But here ey was, feeling like all of the stress of the last day, of the last few weeks had filled em up to overflowing. Presented with the sudden silence and stillness of the field, ey realized just how much ey’d been running on desperation and borrowed time.</p>
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<p>But here ey was, feeling like all of the stress of the last day, of the last few weeks had filled em up to overflowing. Presented with the sudden silence and stillness of the field, ey realized just how much ey’d been running on desperation and borrowed time.</p>
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<p>With the slightest break in the pressure, that loan was called due.</p>
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<p>With the slightest break in the pressure, that loan was called due.</p>
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<p>Realizing that ey couldn’t see the subtle rises in the land for the tears in eir eyes, ey simply sat down in the grass and cried. <em>If I am overflowing,</em> some remote part of em thought. <em>Then I can certainly see the appeal to it. Catharsis indeed.</em></p>
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<p>Realizing that ey couldn’t see the subtle rises in the land for the tears in eir eyes, ey simply sat down in the grass and cried. <em>If I am overflowing,</em> some remote part of em thought. <em>Then I can certainly see the appeal to it. Catharsis indeed.</em></p>
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<p>Though there was certainly nothing ey could have done to stop it, ey simply let it take its course, hollering curses into the cone of silence ey had the presence of mind to set up, clutching at the grass to keep emself at least somewhat grounded. Ey’d watched a friend (for that’s what True Name was, wasn’t she?) nearly get assassinated in front of em, had dealt with eir partner’s lingering resentment towards her down-tree instance come into conflict with her constant presence, had watched May push True Name to near catatonia after encouraging her to accept a two-centuries-long merge from End Waking. Ey had watched both overflow in the span of a few hours.</p>
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<p>Though there was certainly nothing ey could have done to stop it, ey owned it, simply letting it take its course, hollering curses into the cone of silence ey had the presence of mind to set up, clutching at the grass to keep emself at least somewhat grounded. Ey’d watched a friend (for that’s what True Name was, wasn’t she?) nearly get assassinated in front of em, had dealt with eir partner’s lingering resentment towards her down-tree instance come into conflict with her constant presence, had watched May push True Name to near catatonia after encouraging her to accept a two-centuries-long merge from End Waking. Ey had watched both overflow in the span of a few hours.</p>
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<p>And when ey stopped cycling over the last two weeks ((check timeline)), ey simply cried for the sheer relief it provided.</p>
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<p>And when ey stopped cycling over the last two weeks ((check timeline)), ey simply cried for the sheer relief it provided.</p>
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<p>When ey’d cried emself out and cleaned emself up, ey finally levered emself up off the ground and trudged back toward the house. The least ey could do was say hi and get another cup of coffee.</p>
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<p>When ey’d cried emself out and cleaned emself up, ey finally levered emself up off the ground and trudged back toward the house. The least ey could do was say hi and get another cup of coffee.</p>
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<p>Douglas Hadje was sitting on the stoop of his house, waiting for em.</p>
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<p>Douglas Hadje was sitting on the stoop of his house, waiting for em.</p>
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<p>“She’s…well, she’ll get by. I just hope it doesn’t last too long. Thanks for letting me stay.”</p>
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<p>“She’s…well, she’ll get by. I just hope it doesn’t last too long. Thanks for letting me stay.”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-15</p>
|
<p>Page generated on 2022-04-19</p>
|
||||||
</footer>
|
</footer>
|
||||||
</main>
|
</main>
|
||||||
<script type="text/javascript">
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
Loading…
Reference in New Issue