update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/launch/Codrin-castor/007.html">Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor</a> - Interviews True Name for second time w/ more info, confronts for truth about the Odists’ role in post-secession, confirms, laughs down concerns. - 1717</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done3"> Part IV - Arrival (all stories reach present, all discuss irreversibility)<ul>
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<li class="done4"> Part IV - Arrival (all stories reach present, all discuss irreversibility)<ul>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="secession/phys/Yared/010.html">Secession: phys-side: Yared</a> - Vote passes with both secession and L5 amendments intact, those who know him are torn on whether he’s a hero or villain; zero compensation/recognition from Demma, who derides the system, why don’t you marry it if you love it so much. (secession = irreversibility) - 2192</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/launch/Codrin-castor/008.html">Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor</a> - Interviews True Name for the last time, learning that True Name/her stanza and Jonas orchestrated the launch from the before the supposed beginning over long years of influence (incl nudging Douglas as soon as he got first job as ansible tech and Michelle nudging her toward the idea of divesting), have been in contact across sys/launch to ensure divergence remains at acceptable levels (irreversible), comes home to Dear, sighs, gets hugs, comfort that the ends aren’t bad, even if the means are. - 2183</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="secession/sys/True-Name/008.html">Secession: sys-side: True Name</a> - Council meets, celebrates; after, meets with Jonas to discuss ways to ensure stability going forward (growth = irreversibility) - 1466 Expand?</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/sys/Ioan/012.html">Launch: sys-side: Ioan</a> - Discusses role of each stanza; kind of freaks out at May b/c like finding out your in-laws-ish are the illuminati, though ey comes around because a) she explains need for control as trauma response, and b) tells myth in progress, about how the gods created the world in an attempt to shape it to their will, but instead became impersonal forces in the face of absolute independence; Ioan and May finally fucking get together, discuss irreversibility of that act, since Ioan didn’t fork like Codrin - 2455</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/008.html">Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux</a> - Interviews Dear about just how much influence the Ode clade had/still has, what’s next (death = irreversible, basically a do-over of the first interview) - 2717</li>
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<li class="rejected"> REJECTED - combined with previous Ioan chapter <!--<a href="launch/sys/Ioan/013.html">Launch: sys-side: Ioan</a> -if the clade exists to explore/exploit need as trauma responses, what do each of the stanzas do (True Name's: political machinations; Praiseworthy's: artistic machinations; Qoheleth's: history/memory machinations), liberal side (not always later lines) has grown more earnest, rebelling against need to control, discusses future with May; sets up visit to Michelle's meadow on one year anniversary as a meaningful thing (but actually to meet with Douglas)--></li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="launch/phys/Douglas/009.html">Launch: phys-side: Douglas</a> - Douglas uploads on one year anniversary, talks about necessity of not being on launches, met by Ioan (who organized it as a surprise and gave him basic instructions on how to be clothed and presentable right off the bat) and May in dandelion sim (as TN met Yared), learns about Michelle/Ode Clade via how they got their names. (learning = irreversibility) - 3595</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="launch/phys/Douglas/009.html">Launch: phys-side: Douglas</a> - Douglas uploads on one year anniversary, talks about necessity of not being on launches, met by Ioan (who organized it as a surprise and gave him basic instructions on how to be clothed and presentable right off the bat) and May in dandelion sim (as TN met Yared), learns about Michelle/Ode Clade via how they got their names. (learning = irreversibility) - 3595</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> Epilogue<ul>
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</header>
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<article class="content">
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<h1 id="douglas-hadje-2326">Douglas Hadje — 2326</h1>
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<p>The arrangements required for this surprise for May Then My Name quickly began to feel overly complicated to Douglas, but, as Ioan kept reminding him, she was a very complicated person. She was also very perceptive, so there was apparently much required secrecy to make this plan work.</p>
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<p>The lead-up to uploading, however, was surprisingly easy. He supposed that much of it was that so much excitement combined with so much anxiety eventually left him feeling more numb than anything, some protective emotional reaction that kept him from simply exploding on one of his many, many walks.</p>
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<p>The arrangements required for this surprise for May Then My Name quickly began to feel overly complicated to Douglas, but, as Ioan kept reminding him, she was a very complicated person. She was also very perceptive, so there was apparently much secrecy required to make this plan work.</p>
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<p>The lead-up to uploading, however, was easy. He supposed that much of it was that so much excitement combined with so much anxiety eventually left him feeling more numb than anything, some protective emotional reaction that kept him from simply exploding on one of his many, many walks.</p>
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<p>But anticlimax is simply the way of the world, and so the night before the one-year anniversary of the Launch arrived, he simply signed a waiver walked to the clinic, answered a few questions, and then underwent the procedure. It was dizzying, disorienting, and, were he pressed to pick one, the worst physical experience of his life, but at that point, he was well past any point where he could turn back, and even then, he knew he wouldn’t.</p>
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<p>There was simply a brief discontinuity, and then he was standing in a grey cube of a room, naked, vertiginous, blinking at a light that seemed to come from nowhere.</p>
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<p>Anticlimax indeed.</p>
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<p>Ey laughed, nodded. “Well spotted. Now, do you want to get dressed?”</p>
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<p>“Please,” he said, looking around for clothes. There was only the gray floor, gray walls, gray ceiling.</p>
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<p>“Okay, bear with me. I had to look up the script for this, so I hope it makes sense to you.”</p>
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<p>When Douglas had been talked through willing his clothing into existence, Ioan asked, “May I turn around now?”</p>
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<p>Ioan spent the next five minutes talking Douglas through the process of clothing himself, breathing in a thought and breathing out an intention, willing into being that which he wanted. </p>
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<p>Once he was dressed, Ioan asked, “May I turn around now?”</p>
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<p>He looked down at himself, along his arms and legs, seeing that the oh-so-familiar jumpsuit was just as he remembered, then said, “Sure.”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded and turned to face him, smiling. Ey looked over him searchingly, then laughed. “Is that your work uniform?”</p>
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<p>“It’s my only outfit,” he said. “No other clothes aboard the station. Too much risk of them getting in the way.”</p>
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<p>Ioan blinked, then nodded, grinning. “Right, right. Well, how’re you feeling? I remember I was pretty disoriented for a while after uploading.”</p>
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<p>Douglas looked around. The walls offered little but more gray and a faint grid of darker grey, as though made of panels a meter on a side. Ioan looked…well, ordinary, is all he could think. Ey looked like a normal person of Eastern European stock. Eir clothes looked as detailed as could be expected phys-side, and eir hand felt as much like a normal hand as any.</p>
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<p>“It’s so…normal,” he said, finally.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m nearing a century here, so I’m used to it by now. It is normal to me.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m nearing a century here, so I’m used to it by now. It <em>is</em> normal to me.”</p>
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<p>“You still look like you’re in your twenties or thirties, which I guess that’s kind of weird. Is that how you looked before uploading?”</p>
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<p>“More or less,” ey said. “I didn’t dress as well. And I was skinnier, too. I guess this is how I saw myself after a while, though.”</p>
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<p>Douglass looked em up and down. “You can gain weight, here?”</p>
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<p>“And I can fork, too?”</p>
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<p>“Sure. Would you like to? That’s part of the intro script, as well.”</p>
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<p>“Uh, I guess so,” he said. </p>
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<p>They stood in silence for a while, once Douglas had learned the ins and outs of forking and quitting. His mind was churning while Ioan waited patiently. There was so much to take in all at once, he could easily see how one could get overwhelmed.</p>
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<p>They stood in silence for a while, once Douglas had learned the ins and outs of forking and quitting. His mind was churning — so much new information! — while Ioan waited patiently. There was so much to take in all at once, he could easily see how one could get overwhelmed.</p>
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<p>“Alright,” he said. “What’s the plan from here?”</p>
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<p>Ioan straightened up. “Well, let’s go somewhere less dreary. I want you use that same exercise and want to be at The Field#002a0b1.”</p>
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<p>Ioan straightened up. “Well, let’s go somewhere less dreary. I want you use that same exercise of intent and <em>want</em> to be at The Field#002a0b1.”</p>
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<p>“These numbers are going to be difficult to remember,” he said.</p>
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<p>“You’ll get used to them. You’ll, uh…you’ll find that you can’t actually forget anything, here, but that’s a problem for future Douglas. Ready?”</p>
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<p>He nodded, deciding this time to try keeping his eyes open. As he breathed the intention, he was, without transition, standing in a sprawling field. Green grass speckled with dandelions as far as he could see in every direction, all lit by a salmon-colored sunset.</p>
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<p>May Then My Name reacted with a speed he’d not expected, whirling around and clutching at Ioan’s arm tightly, ears laid flat against her head. “Who the fuck are you?” she growled, feral. The words were perfectly intelligible, he was pleased to note, and spoke of a central corridor accent.</p>
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<p>Remembering Ioan’s first words, he grinned. “Can you guess?”</p>
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<p>She straightened up and frowned, head tilted, then turned to Ioan, who looked to be holding back laughter, and punched em solidly in the shoulder. “You…you piece of shit! <em>You</em> organized this! I know you did! Mx. Ioan Bălan, I am absolutely putting sand in your shoes.”</p>
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<p>Then the skunk began running, and as she did, dozens of other versions of her flickered into and out of existence around her, all grinning madly. She leapt at him and, before he could react, nearly tackled him to the ground, her arms tight around his middle. “If you are not Mister Douglas Hadje, master of spaceflight and doctor of something incredibly boring, I will be quite embarrassed. Please tell me you are.”</p>
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<p>“I am, I am,” he said, laughing and returning the hug. She was short enough that the top of her head barely came up to his chin. Her fur was incredibly soft against his chin and neck “It’s nice to meet you at last.”</p>
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<p>Then the skunk began running, and as she did, dozens of other versions of her flickered into and out of existence around her, a confusing rush of skunks that obscured which was the original, all grinning madly. She leapt at him and, before he could react, nearly tackled him to the ground, her arms tight around his middle. “If you are not Mister Douglas Hadje, master of spaceflight and doctor of something incredibly boring, I will be quite embarrassed. Please tell me you are.”</p>
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<p>“I am, I am,” he said, laughing and returning the hug. She was short enough that the top of her head barely came up to his chin. Her fur was incredibly soft against his chin and neck, and he had to restrain himself from outright petting her. “It’s nice to meet you at last.”</p>
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<p>“Douglas, holy shit. Holy shit! This is absolutely delightful,” she said, voice muffled against his shoulder and clouded by tears. Without letting go of the hug, she forked off a copy of herself to hurl at Ioan, who was laughing openly now. This time, she did manage to throw her target to the grass, and the two wrestled around for a moment, shoving at each other, before that instance of May Then My Name quit, leaving Ioan to pick emself up again, dusting grass off eir clothes.</p>
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<p>Eventually, she released her grip on him and stepped back, holding onto his upper arms and looking him up and down. She nodded approvingly. “Every inch a Hadje. Sort of. You are very tall, and you have lost the round face.”</p>
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<p>Eventually, after she’d had her cry, she released her grip on him and stepped back, holding onto his upper arms and looking him up and down. She nodded approvingly. “Every inch a Hadje. Sort of. You are very tall, and you have lost the round face.”</p>
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<p>“I have? I mean, I guess that makes sense. Michelle lived two centuries ago. I’ve seen a few pictures from the news archives, but they took a while to dig up, so I can only guess.”</p>
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<p>“Like this?” Her expression grew wicked. She forked, and this fork was completely human. Shoulder-length curly black hair, round of face, short, the splitting image…</p>
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<p>“Wait,” he stammered. “You can just look like her? The pictures…I thought…I thought that’d be frowned on.”</p>
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<p>“Oh, it is,” the woman said. “Come on, Dr Hadje. Do keep up.”</p>
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<p>All of his blood was completely replaced with ice water. His voice failed him. A hatch in the field opened beneath him and he began to fall. Or, at least that’s what his mind told him was happening. When the world finally stopped spinning and he finally reconnected with his body, he found that he was sitting on the grass.</p>
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<p>“You’re…”</p>
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<p>The woman — Michelle? — came and sat on the grass next to him to hug an arm around his shoulders, her expression softening. “I am May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade, Douglas. <em>Michelle’s</em> clade. It has been a long time since I was actually Michelle, but I once was, yes. I am of Michelle.”</p>
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<p>The woman — Michelle? — came and sat on the grass next to him to hug an arm around his shoulders, her expression softening. “I am May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade, Douglas. Michelle’s clade. It has been a long time since I was actually Michelle, but I once was, yes. I am <em>of</em> Michelle.”</p>
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<p>“So…”</p>
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<p>“I was forked from her two centuries ago, and I remember being her.” She rubbed her hand against his back. “Douglas, please keep breathing. You are going to pass out if you keep that up.”</p>
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<p>He gulped for air, shaking. “You lied to me, then? You…”</p>
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<p>“A small untruth,” she said, voice calm and soothing. “Michelle herself did quit some time ago, but I am of her clade.”</p>
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<p>“Why didn’t you tell me?”</p>
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<p>May Then My Name shrugged. “I did not want to because I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I am eternally sorry.” She sounded on the edge of tears, and took a moment to calm herself before continuing. “You will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje. I am very sorry, my dear.”</p>
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<p>May Then My Name’s countenance fell, easier to read on a human’s face than a skunk’s. “I did not want to because I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I am eternally sorry.” She sounded on the edge of crying again, and took a moment to calm herself before continuing. “You will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje. I am very sorry, my dear.”</p>
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<p>He nodded. All that she was saying was swirling around in his mind, wrapped up in the strange, fluent-yet-stilted language that he’d gotten used to over text but now had to get used to in person. He couldn’t tell if he was mad at her or happy that he knew or just confused.</p>
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<p>“Uh, I’m not feeling…can we talk about something else?” he asked. “And can you go back to looking like someone else? I’m sorry…”</p>
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<p>May Then My Name — the one that looked like Michelle — nodded meekly and quit, leaving the skunk to help Douglas up, pulling him over to the picnic blanket with her so that she could sit next to him. She tasked the still-grinning historian with setting up the food while they talked.</p>
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<p>May Then My Name — the one that looked like Michelle — nodded meekly and quit, leaving the still sniffling skunk to help Douglas up, pulling him over to the picnic blanket with her so that she could sit next to him. She tasked the still-grinning historian with setting up the food while they talked.</p>
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<p>“Douglas, my dear, what are you most excited about, now that you have uploaded?” she asked earnestly, paw resting on his knee.</p>
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<p>“Well, I was going to say meeting you two, but now that that’s over, I guess getting to know you. Like, actually know you, instead of just chatting over text. Getting to know the System, too. I spent years imagining how it worked in here, and now that I’m here, I’m a little overwhelmed with how little of that feels accurate.”</p>
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<p>“It is difficult to explain in words how it all works, so many phys-side do not know.”</p>
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<p>“I guess I want to try some real food, too. We get chicken once a month on the station. Or got, I guess. Otherwise it was all vegetarian. No complaints, really, but it gets a bit samey after twenty years. There’s a lot of catching up to do. Chicken and bread and fried things.”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded, then scooted over onto the picnic blanket, all but dragging him with. “There will be plenty of time for that. We did bring muffins at least. Is there anything you will miss from phys-side?”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded, leaned over, and dotted her nose against his cheek. “There will be plenty of time for that. We did bring muffins at least. Is there anything you will miss from phys-side?”</p>
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<p>“No.” The answer came quickly. “Not a thing.”</p>
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<p>She grinned. “Well, that is good, is it not?”</p>
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<p>He nodded.</p>
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<p>“And anything you regret?”</p>
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<p>“I sort of regret not being on the launches, too, but there’s no helping that, if I was also to be the phys-side coordinator. It’s one of those things where I couldn’t do both, and I certainly can’t go back and change it.”</p>
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<p>“There is no going and there is no back,” May Then My Name said. “You are here and that is that. It is a decision you cannot reverse.”</p>
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<p>Ioan, fishing plates and containers of food and a bottle of the champagne out of the picnic basket, said, “She and her cocladist are very fixated on irreversibility these days. You’ll hear a lot of it.”</p>
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<p>Ioan, fishing plates and containers of food and a bottle of the champagne out of the picnic basket, said, “She and her cocladists are very fixated on irreversibility these days. You’ll hear a lot of it.”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded. “Yes. It is fascinating, though, and we are helpless before fascination. Is there anything else you regret about leaving? Not uploading sooner?”</p>
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<p>He shrugged. “Not really. It’s like you say, there’s no changing the past.”</p>
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<p>“May’s interviewing you for me,” Ioan said, chuckling. “Those are all my usual questions. She’s getting the hang of it, but needs to work on drawing more out of you.”</p>
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<p>The rest of the day from there on was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the happiest that Douglas had ever had. He learned of the Ode and of the Name. He learned of Codrin and Dear. He learned of all of the vast vagaries of the System, of the new arts and the subtle sciences that could exist only outside of the physical world. He learned, watching the way Ioan and May Then My Name looked at each other, spoke to each other, touched each other, what happiness even was, and that he was a part of it lent more of a sense of completion than any celebration could.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-17</p>
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