update from sparkleup
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<p>To that end, I’ve set a portion of this letter as eyes-only for Codrin largely due to the context of our relationships with the Odists — em with Dear, Ioan with May, and now me with Sasha. I don’t want to come off as hiding anything from you, but I do want to ask before I send a bunch of stuff that might cause distress given all that’s been going on of late.</p>
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<p>On that note, how are you doing? We’ve been quite worried about you. I know that trying to balance the emotional pain of being so far away from your exes and Codrin doesn’t play well with the ownership of your life that comes with individuation and being the only Bălan on Artemis.</p>
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<p>Know that Ioan and thus I love you for all of your individuality and strength. Stay safe, stay in touch, okay?</p>
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<p><strong>END</strong></p>
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<p><strong>END SORINA BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p><strong>CODRIN BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>I’m separating this content out for you two to keep from overwhelming Sorina with a bunch of information about Odists and relationships. Also, I gave her the option of disregarding the manuscript, lest that prove to be too much.</p>
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<p>Things have been a bit shaky throughout the clade, haven’t they? I’m unsure of how much you two speak with each other, so I won’t go into specifics except to say that I’m worried about you both. You and those in your lives are still incredibly important to me, even after all these years apart. Please do all that you need to keep yourselves safe and healthy.</p>
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@ -50,7 +50,7 @@
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<p>The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream of the Ode clade</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>I expected that this would leave her upset, given the fact that they just very politely told her to fuck off and stay out of their business, but when she received the letters, she ran up from her tent, waving them about and laughing gleefully, shouting, “Good fucking riddance!” There was much forking, as is to be expected by an excited Odist. I think the greater part of her was more relieved than anything.</p>
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<p><strong>END</strong></p>
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<p><strong>END CODRIN BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>May and Sasha send their love, as do Ioan and I. We miss you and yours, and hope that you’re doing as well as can be.</p>
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<p>Aurel Bălan</p>
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<div class="footnote">
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@ -31,13 +31,13 @@
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<p>Still, there is no small part of me that remains worried and cautious. The last time I spoke with True Name here on Pollux, she was quite friendly and relaxed, almost familiar. While this fits with Sasha’s comment about Jonas and Zacharias framing her reaction differently on each System, it doesn’t fit very well with the note that True Name sent back to Lagrange. Perhaps it’s an artifact of this apparent collusion between the LVs. That the notes from both True Name#Castor and #Pollux were identical bespeaks a level of organization surrounding how Sasha was treated in the decades leading up to her assassination attempt — and was to be treated after — that has me worried for her safety and thus Aurel’s, Ioan’s, and May’s.</p>
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<p>How cynical must one be to set up a situation where one’s own fork is left so beaten down? Even if True Name on the LVs was manipulated into doing so, that still requires a certain level of buy-in to go along with, right? I’m inclined to agree with E.W.’s assessment that Jonas is treating politics as a plaything, and would add on that the same is apparently true of many of the Odists.</p>
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<p>Be careful, Ioan and Aurel. Keep May and Sasha safe. Even if their lives aren’t at risk, this is quite a lot. Clearly a sizable chunk of the clade is quite upset with them, and that can’t be easy.</p>
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<p><strong>Ioan and Aurel eyes only</strong></p>
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<p><strong>IOAN BĂLAN AND AUREL BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>Confidentially, I’ve had more than one nightmare since █████ left about what might happen to any one of us when confronted with the loss of all our partners. █████ left, but Dear and Serene are here, yes? If they were to leave, if Sasha or May were to leave, what would happen to us?</p>
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<p>This is what I mean by current goings on framing my interpretation of <em>I&R</em>. Sorina has been keeping herself busy, burying herself in work, yes, but what I suspect happened is that Codrin and her rushing individuation during that last morning turned missing her exes, as she called them, into part of her identity. She cemented her opinions around them in place in her rush to diverge as quickly as possible. She gave herself the out of ‘being able to quit whenever she wanted’, but without the ability to fork and with her no longer being a Codrin at all, that suddenly veers awfully close to suicide.</p>
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<p>She has mechanics on her side to keep herself around, but what do we have? If May or Sasha were to disappear from your lives, I–</p>
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<p>Well.</p>
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<p>I’m not in a good enough spot to finish this letter. I’m sorry.</p>
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<p><strong>End eyes only</strong></p>
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<p><strong>END IOAN BĂLAN and AUREL BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>Pass on my love. Dear and Serene send theirs as well.</p>
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<p>Codrin</p>
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<div class="footnote">
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@ -15,6 +15,7 @@
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<h2 id="sorina-balan-ioan-balan">Sorina Bălan — Ioan Bălan</h2>
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<blockquote>
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<p>systime 226 (2350)<br />
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(transmission delay)<br />
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(transmission delay)</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>Ioan,</p>
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<p>I’ve written twelve question marks so far and not yet gotten to the question I wanted to ask. Should I seek out a new relationship <em>before</em> I reengage with my exes? I want to know if I should in general, of course, but in particular, I want to know your thoughts on trying to actively process these thoughts on what relationships mean to me before I go about processing what breakups mean.</p>
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<p>I don’t know, I’m feeling my emotions get in the way of my words again. I really don’t mean to dump on you like this, but, as I said, your grounded, anchoring nature makes you an obvious source of comfort. Thank you for listening to me.</p>
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<p>All my love,</p>
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<p>Sorina Bălan</p>
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<p>Sorina Bălan<br />
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(artemis date)</p>
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<div class="footnote">
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<hr />
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<ol>
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<p>I have seen █████ a few times, for what it’s worth. It’s not like they just up and cut contact. We’ve gotten coffee a few times, and they stopped by for an incredibly awkward dinner party. While we have largely worked out that things are just kind of over between us and them, that doesn’t mean that our feelings have just dissipated — nor, indeed, have theirs: “It’s still a break-up, I’m still hurting over it, even if it’s for the best.”</p>
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<p>And you know, as I take a look back at who we were, at who Codrin#Castor is and, hell, who you and Aurel are, I see where they’re coming from. We can’t stay the same forever. Our happinesses change as the world around us changes. We can’t possibly remain the same, but neither can we possibly change in exactly the same ways. Something like this was bound to happen eventually, and it has me thinking that there will probably come a day when Dear and I drift apart. I don’t know if that’ll be any easier for being the second time around, or just differently hard, but I suppose one upside of the whole thing is that it has me focusing on the love I have in front of me.</p>
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<p>Speaking of the love in front of us! Aurel and Sasha? What a delight! At first, I was surprised that it took as long as it did, but then I realized that Sasha’s far more complex than just “May Then My Name plus two friends”. Then I was surprised that Ioan and May Then My Name’s relationship didn’t just expand to include her, but of course not everyone’s relationship structure need mirror ours (never mind the fact that I don’t even know what the dynamic is between May Then My Name and Sasha; it sounds friendly enough, at least).</p>
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<p><strong>Ioan eyes-only</strong></p>
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<p><strong>IOAN BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>If I may ask, how has the dynamic worked when you’re Aurel, when you’re away from May Then My Name but still with Sasha? I can’t imagine it’s entirely comfortable to spend much time away from her, even if you’re still with someone you love. You live in the same building,<sup id="fnref:building"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:building">4</a></sup> if I’m understanding this right, but I’m assuming you’re hardly seeing your other partner all of the time, right?</p>
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<p>I guess I ask because there’s at least a small analogy to be made between our two situations, in that I’m no longer with █████ but still with Dear. I know — or at least suspect — that it’s not exactly the same, as Aurel’s still a fork, however long-lived, and thus not <em>not</em> in a relationship with May Then My Name, just that that’s on pause.</p>
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<p>If I’m to keep seeing █████ on occasion, then I’m going to have to figure out how to interact in a way that isn’t strictly in a relationship, yet also isn’t as fragile as I feel.</p>
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<p>All the same, I wish the three/four/six/seven/however-you-count-it of you the best.</p>
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<p>Also, some of your letters are starting to sound a little despondent when it comes to Rareș. Are you okay? Is there anything we can help with? I will admit that I know a bit more about…the current status,<sup id="fnref:library"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:library">5</a></sup> but I’m not going to dump that on you without your permission.</p>
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<p><strong>End</strong></p>
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<p><strong>END IOAN BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</strong></p>
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<p>All my love. Dear and Serene both send theirs as well.</p>
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<p>Codrin Bălan#Pollux</p>
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<div class="footnote">
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