update from sparkleup
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<p>May sniffled and looked off toward the lake in the deepening evening.</p>
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<p>“I understand what you were trying to do, May Then My Name. I understand why you planned that, how you managed to talk us both into it, and what you hoped to get out of it, but <em>you</em> must understand that what you did was set two existences within me. One was set on goals that I believed in — <em>still</em> believe in — while the other regrets everything that made me me.” The skunk’s voice sounded far more tired than angry, enough to keep May from winding up in tears again, though she did set her food aside. “I do not think that End Waking believed in anything. His life was spent un-believing that which he was, which we were.”</p>
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<p>“What does that leave you, now?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know yet, Ioan. It makes me too full of being, of time, to be just one thing. It will likely take me several days to settle into…something. To settle into myself, whatever that means.”</p>
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<p>“I do not know yet, Ioan. It makes me too full of being, of time, to be just one thing. It will likely take me several days to settle into…something. To settle into myself, whatever that now means.”</p>
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<p>They fell into silence again while Ioan and True Name finished their food and May looked down at her paws or into the fire.</p>
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<p>“Thank you for joining me out here. I am both glad to be outdoors and intensely uncomfortable sitting on a fucking log,” she said, smiling tiredly. “I do not think that I will stay out here, though. The greater part of me demands a comfortable bed.”</p>
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<p>“Thank you for joining me out here. I am both glad to be outdoors and intensely uncomfortable sitting on a fucking log,” she said, smiling tiredly. “I do not think that I will stay out here. The greater part of me demands a comfortable bed.”</p>
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<p>“Those fucking cots are awful,” May grumbled, sounding forced in her humor. “Like a hammock, but far worse.”</p>
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<p>“I do not think that even End Waking enjoys them, so it is easy enough for the True Name part of me to win out on that subject.”</p>
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<p>“What did he– what do you remember enjoying?” Ioan asked. “I want to hear the good things you have, now, too. I feel like we’re all tiptoeing around all the bad memories and conflicting feelings. Tell me something good.”</p>
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@ -50,21 +50,21 @@
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<p>“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Ioan said, smiling.</p>
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<p>“It is not all unpleasant, not by a long shot. As much as I worked to keep my sense of self while integrating, I was also struck by wonder, and for that, I am grateful.”</p>
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<p>“Was the merge a net-positive thing?”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “I cannot possibly know that, Ioan. I suspect there is no net value, or indeed any value, to be placed on simply having those memories. It will make my life harder or it will not, but I do not think it will make it better or worse. I will be what I am to become.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “I cannot possibly know that, Ioan. I suspect there is no net value, or indeed any value, to be placed on simply having those memories. It will make my life more difficult or it will not, but I do not think it will make it better or worse. I will be what I am to become.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>“But, May Then My Name?”</p>
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<p>The skunk looked nervously at her cocladist, as though worried of some reprisal. “Yes?”</p>
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<p>“Thank you for thinking of me.”</p>
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<p>May only nodded, swallowing back tears. </p>
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<p>“I remember a few days ago, too. I remember when you came to the forest, remember watching, awkwardly, while you cried on Debarre’s shoulder after I told you about…well, after we spoke. I remember hearing about all of your hatred over the years, about the resentment that you still have for me. I remember how it was you talked me into this, how helpless I was before it. I remember all of it.”</p>
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<p>“I remember a few days ago, too. I remember when you came to the forest, remember watching, awkwardly, while you cried on Debarre’s shoulder after I told you about…well, after we spoke. I remember hearing about all of your hatred over the years, about the resentment that you still have for me. I remember how it was that you talked me into this, how helpless I was before it. I remember all of it.”</p>
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<p>There was no more holding back the tears at that, though she did her best to cry silently.</p>
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<p>True Name smiled more kindly than she had yet that night. “But you still thought of me. ‘I do not want her to die’, you said. You said that you do not know why you still care about me, and you said that to your cocladist perhaps not yet knowing that I would have that memory as well. You two are both meddlesome brats, but thank you for thinking of me.”</p>
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<p>True Name smiled more kindly than she had yet that night. “But still, you thought of me. ‘I do not want her to die’, you said. You said that you do not know why you still care about me, and you said that to your cocladist perhaps not yet knowing that I would have that memory as well. You two are both meddlesome brats, but thank you for thinking of me.”</p>
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<p>May tucked closer against Ioan’s side and buried her face in eir shirt to cry, making a rude gesture at her down-tree instance before hugging her arms around eir waist.</p>
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<p>“I think that means ‘no problem’,” ey said. “But I don’t speak skunk all that– ow! She bit me!”</p>
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<p>True Name laughed. “It is no less than you deserve, I am sure. But come, once you are able to, let us walk to the rock at the end of the lake. I want to see the stars before we head back.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-13</p>
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