update from sparkleup
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@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ Ey chose the last of the poor skunk’s risotto, added a healthy dusting of
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<p>She laughed and nodded to em. “Yes, of course. There is much to think about.”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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@ -17,7 +17,7 @@
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<p>After True Name returned to her room — or, more likely, out to her field to set up camp — May said, “If I may say, that was really fucking weird, and I do not want to talk about it at all.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed. “You certainly may. Weird as hell and I need a break.”</p>
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<p>That last part wasn’t strictly true, ey knew. Ey’d be ruminating over it until they went to sleep, and likely well into tomorrow. Still, ey agreed that it wasn’t a topic for talking about at the moment. The chances they’d just wind up talking in circles, rehashing the same topics over and over again, was too high, and ey could do that mentally just as well.</p>
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<p>So, instead, they relaxed together on the couch, May with her head in eir lap while ey read and she worked on this or that, or whatever it was that she did when her eyes lost focused and she hummed quietly to herself. She’d once called it ‘going into screen-saver mode’, which didn’t sound totally accurate to what ey knew of her when ey’d looked up the reference, but ey still teased her about it every now and then.</p>
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<p>So, instead, they relaxed together on the couch, May with her head in eir lap while ey read and she worked on this or that, or whatever it was that she did when her eyes lost focus and she hummed quietly to herself. She’d once called it ‘going into screen-saver mode’, which didn’t sound totally accurate to what ey knew of her when ey’d looked up the reference, but ey still teased her about it every now and then.</p>
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<p>Quiet nights were good, though, and ey was pleased to just spend the rest of this one in comfort.</p>
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<p>Sleep, however, brought restless dreams. Not nightmares, certainly; they weren’t even bad dreams in any common sense of the term. They were, to the last, plagued with a sense of waiting and unease. Ey dreamt of waiting for unspecified news, sitting on uncomfortable benches in weirdly crowded lobbies. Ey dreamt of May being out of the house on some errand longer than she had said she would be. Ey dreamt of not having enough information.</p>
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<p>All the same, ey woke well rested and made it to the coffee pot before either of the skunks, so ey was able to claim ten minutes of solitude standing before the picture windows, looking out into the slowly lightening yard and the field beside it. Ey could see True Name poke her snout out from her tent, disappear, and then, a few minutes later, start trudging her way back toward the house.</p>
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@ -31,7 +31,7 @@
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<p>“Are you two up to talking about meeting with Jonas?” True Name asked. “I will pay in another pot of coffee and breakfast.”</p>
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<p>Ioan shrugged. “Sure.”</p>
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<p>“After that second coffee, yes,” May said.</p>
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<p>Breakfast, it turned out, was a Scandinavian affair, or so ey imagined. Dense, dark bread, a tray of cheeses and meats, and a separate tray of vegetables both pickled and fresh. It was strange to call a meal such as breakfast ‘refreshing’, but the word fit quite well. Quite good, and both of the skunks certainly seemed to appreciate it, eating the lion’s share of the food, though May also swiped up side plate of bacon to go with it.</p>
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<p>Breakfast, it turned out, was a Scandinavian affair, or so ey imagined. Dense, dark bread, a tray of cheeses and meats, and a separate tray of vegetables both pickled and fresh. It was strange to call a meal such as breakfast ‘refreshing’, but the word fit quite well. Quite good, and both of the skunks certainly seemed to appreciate it, eating the lion’s share of the food, though May also swiped up a side plate of bacon to go with it.</p>
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<p>May nodded towards True Name, grinning. “Alright. Payment accepted. You may begin.”</p>
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<p>True Name nodded. “I had an idea as I was walking last night. Or perhaps it is only a sliver of an idea. I suspect that it will not even get me out of whatever it is that he has planned, but if might soften the blow.”</p>
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<p>They both nodded.</p>
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@ -43,7 +43,7 @@
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<p>“And your plan would, what, subvert that?” May asked. “I have a suspicion I know what it is, but I would like to be sure.”</p>
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<p>“I suspect you do, yes. I will offer him the option of me changing from what I was to such an extent that I will no longer be the True Name that either he or the System expects.”</p>
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<p>“Is this about me merging down, then?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “I do not think that that is a requirement, here, though that question was on my docket for the day. I suspect that I have already changed enough with End Waking’s merger. I would just need to prove it to him somehow. That is where my plan ends, however.”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “I do not think that that is a requirement here, though that question was on my docket for the day. I suspect that I have already changed enough with End Waking’s merger. I would just need to prove it to him somehow. That is where my plan ends, however.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sat back in eir chair, arms crossed as ey mulled it over. If she was right — and ey suspected that she was — then there would likely need to be a change in form and a change in name to go along with the change in attitude. After all, that’s how Zacharias had gotten as far as he had, right?</p>
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<p>Ey couldn’t picture her as anything other than a skunk or perhaps whatever version of Michelle she remembered, though, and certainly couldn’t picture her named anything other than True Name. Would she also have to change her speech patterns? They weren’t totally identifiable, but now that ey thought about it, even Zacharias had shared many of them. She was an Odist through and through — more so than any other ey’d met — and all of the forking and reinforcing that May had done to grow her sense of empathy didn’t seem like something that she’d willingly undergo, either.</p>
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<p>But perhaps that’s what she’d meant by a sliver of a plan. They still had plenty of time to sort that out, at least, and perhaps she’d come up with a way that would actually work without changing herself so much that she’d cease being who she was.</p>
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@ -71,7 +71,7 @@
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<p>“And the next time she asked, you just said ‘no’?”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “She asked me to consider it, and then the topic simply never came up again. I think that she was already expecting to write me off after the merge in systime 31.”</p>
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<p>“Did she wind up expressing her own emotions differently from that merge?”</p>
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<p>She opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it again, frowning. “I was going to snap at you,” she admitted. “But you bring up a good point. She did, so some extent. What emotions she expressed, real or not, came more earnestly to her. She was more able to express empathy, even if it was still in a very True Name fashion. She did not accept my merges — or any of those from others in her stanza — as blithely as she did End Waking’s.”</p>
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<p>She opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it again, frowning. “I was going to snap at you,” she admitted. “But you bring up a good point. She did, to some extent. What emotions she expressed, real or not, came more earnestly to her. She was more able to express empathy, even if it was still in a very True Name fashion. She did not accept my merges — or any of those from others in her stanza — as blithely as she did End Waking’s.”</p>
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<p>“I imagine the circumstances were a bit different,” ey said. “Why were you going to snap at me?”</p>
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<p>“I thought you were going to ask me to merge down.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “I hadn’t gotten that far in the thought process. Is it something you’re still uncomfortable with?”</p>
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@ -114,7 +114,7 @@
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<p>“Well,” True Name said, shrugging. “Fuck it.”</p>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
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<p>“Feelings are complex, Ioan,” True Name explained as they sat around a low fire before her tent. “If they are created by memories, then there is little that I can do to completely control how I might feel about something beyond picking and choosing the memories carefully. However, one can never be sure which memories may lead to which feelings. If they come from something more intrinsic to one’s personality and thought patterns, then it is even more difficult to attempt to control them.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “That much I can certainly understand. I trust that you’ll be built up from your various histories rather than simply May’s feelings tacked onto you.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. I cannot predict how I will feel about anything after this, much less you. Your relationship and existing boundaries will take precedence over whatever happens, though. I will respect that.”</p>
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<p>Ioan bowed eir thanks</p>
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<p>Ioan bowed eir thanks.</p>
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<p>“I have been wondering how your feelings toward Debarre have shifted,” End Waking said.</p>
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<p>“It is complex, not least of which because I accepted the whole of your merge so blithely. I will not be doing the same with May Then My Name’s.”</p>
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<p>He frowned.</p>
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@ -88,7 +88,7 @@
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<p>And ey stood and watched them both.</p>
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<p>The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes — two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it — before True Name moved again.</p>
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<p>“Oh…oh, I cannot…” she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.</p>
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<p>Maybe shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.</p>
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<p>May shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.</p>
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<p>Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though for what ey didn’t know.</p>
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<p>It was more than an hour before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.</p>
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<p>Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. “That was very hard.”</p>
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@ -105,11 +105,11 @@
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<p>She snorted. “God, no. I think she would lose it.”</p>
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<p>“Same, yeah. She’d probably try to pull a Dear or something.”</p>
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<p>“And hate every minute of it. You heard her, she likes who she was and all that she did. I cannot imagine her letting that go.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and combed eir fingers through the fur on the nape of her neck. “So she’ll be left with a complex view of that — or, well, a couple of them, I guess — maybe enough for her change how she moves through the world. Think it’ll be enough for Jonas?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and combed eir fingers through the fur on the nape of her neck. “So she’ll be left with a complex view of that — or, well, a couple of them, I guess — maybe enough for her to change how she moves through the world. Think it’ll be enough for Jonas?”</p>
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<p>The skunk rolled until her face was nearly pressed against eir belly to let em pet. “I do not know,” she mumbled. “I do not think even she knows.”</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-08-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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