D> We still talk a lot, and I really like that. For having only had a little bit of time together at UI, it's nice that we've been able to keep up with each other.
K> Yeah?
K> I mean, I like it too.
K> I only talk to you and like two classmates from that time, and one only because he's also up here in Boise.
D> Yeah.
D> So I don't know if this is weird or not. It's not something I've ever done or
K> ?
D> Not something I've ever done or really felt, but I think I really like you.
D> Know I really like you.
D> And goodness knows I have no idea what to do about it.
D> It's taken me weeks to even get to the point where I could say that.
K> Huh...
D> ???
K> I like you too, but I'm not sure if it's in the same way?
K> Assuming you mean romantically.
D> Yes.
K> Yeah, see.
K> I don't know.
D> I don't either, I guess.
K> I'm really not sure how to take this conversation haha
K> I hope that's not
K> I don't know
K> Painful?
D> Well.
K> Yeah, sorry...
D> No no, I mean
D> Well, it is, but that's not quite where I was going, hah.
K> Sorry. I'll let you type.
D> I don't really know what I wanted out of this conversation, to be honest. Feelings like this aren't logical, you know? So I think I just wanted to say that because I don't know what to do with all of them. They just boil up within me and I just sit there and feel weird and bad but also kind of good at the same time.
D> And I should add
D> The goal wasn't to try and rope you into something you don't want to do, and I don't want to make it sound like I am trying to do so now.
D> Guilt you into it or whatever.
D> But I guess I wanted to talk about it and get it off my chest.
D> And I guess that's it.
K> Alright.
K> I mean, I don't think you could guilt the wings off a fly, Dee.
K> The whole Catholic thing is guilting yourself, right?
D> That's a bit of an uncharitable way to put it.
K> Sorry. You know I don't understand it.
D> Yeah.
K> And that's maybe part of it.
D> How so?
K> How would you feel being in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe the same stuff?
K> Doesn't believe any of it, I mean.
K> I'm not going to knock it or anything, but I'm not going to try it, either.
K> I'm sorry.
D> Hah.
D> Sorry, that came out weird?
D> Seriously, though, I really don't know. This whole thing, this whole crush or whatever it is, I don't know what the end goal of it is. It's limerence, it's something that's happening to me, and I don't know what to do about it. It's this enormous feeling and you're the limerent object, and I hate that my brain is doing it.
All of my work on emotional literacy is failing me now. It was largely failing me then, as well. I will do my best to recount the conversation that we had here, but I am in a state of, I suppose, numbness, but that numbness is taking up the same amount of space that the limerence did before. It is overwhelming in its nullity, and there is nothing, it seems, that I can do to shake it. I cannot transmute it into something more positive. I cannot release any of the built up pressure, for there is no catharsis for nothingness.
