zk/writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/index.md

%title Limerent Object (WT)
:short-story:fiction:sawtooth:furry:

For RAWR, a [prequel](discernment)

### Brief outline

* [o] The slow formation of a crush
    * [o] Falling for anyone who's the slightest bit nice to you
* [o] Intolerable limerence
    * [o] Limerence as unwanted emotional attraction
    * [o] pining
    * [o] dreaming about just being close, casual affection, etc
    * [o] Not wanting to talk about it b/c afraid of coercion
    * [o] Just try to be the best person you can be for them
    * [.] Except that just makes it all the more intense
* [ ] Crisis point and denouement
    * [ ] Bounce off each other at some point and the limerence starts to fade
    * [ ] Picture what would have happened had they gotten together.

Told in the form of journal entries after long online conversations, complete with snippets

Goal: 40-50k words

(why leave seminary: with church heading toward tending only to the members of the church, Dee felt as though he was leaving behind large swaths of people)
(why the sense of duty and control: old-fashioned family of blue-collar coyotes - domestic animals being royalty, remember - pushed hard to lift him up)

Epigraph: εκαρδίωσας ημάς ενί από οφθαλμών σου εν μία ενθέματι τραχήλου σου - you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one bead of your necklace.

### Characters

* Dewí "Dee" Kimana
    * Coyote guy
    * Psychologist
    * Raised very religious
    * Has a crush on...
* Kay
    * Coyote gal
    * Music grad student at UI Boise
    * Transferred after a year, met in the last few weeks of shared class
    * Not religious, and the thing that they bounce off each other on down the line is her refusal to not demonize religion
* Jeremy
    * Dee's therapist
    * Encourages Dee to start journaling as a way to work through these new emotions
* Rev. Dr. Borenson
    * Saint Bernard
    * Dee's old advisor at St John's university

## Story

### Using romance beats

1. [O] [Goal/agenda](beats/01-agenda)
    * [O] A: Likes Kay, emotional literacy
        * [O] [10](10) --- Starting to journal
    * [O] B: Left pastoral life/path, no love = okay
        * [O] [21](21) --- Session on discernment with client
2. [O] [Meet cute](beats/02-meet-cute) (working backwards)
    * [O] A: Library
        * [O] [20](20) --- Meet at library
        * [O] [30](30) --- Thinking back to first crush
3. [o] [No way #1](beats/03-no-way-1)
    * [o] A: The dream...but no, wouldn't work
        * [o] [40](40) --- the dream
        * [o] [60](60) --- couldn't tell, neurodivergent
    * [.] B: Good that I left. Besides, used to celibacy
        * [o] [50](50) --- post dream, left on a whim, why?
        * [ ] [Celibacy](no-way-1-celibacy) --- A bit more about that.
4. [o] [Stuck together](beats/04-stuck-together)
    * [o] A: Lunches
        * [o] [31](31) --- Lunch 1: first lunch, actually chatting
        * [o] [51](51) --- Lunch 2: lent
        * [o] [72](72) --- Lunch 3: post-recital
5. [o] [No way #2](beats/05-no-way-2)
    * [o] A: Limerence is egodystonic
        * [o] [61](61) --- confession
        * [o] [71](71) --- egodystonic attraction
        * [o] [70](70)? --- talk with jeremy
    * [o] B: Reaffirm left, even if faith = very important
        * [o] [Crowds + presentation](no-way-2-1) --- have to write presentation
        * [o] [Notes](no-way-2-2) --- outlining presentation
        * [o] [Essay + conversation with Kay abt it](no-way-2-3) --- presentation (also includes notes)
6. [o] [Bone town](beats/06-bone-town)
    * [o] A: Visit, finally acknowledge feelings may be real (okay but are they actually gonna bone (probably not))
7. [o] Seeds of doubt
    * [o] [Wallow #1](beats/07-seeds-of-doubt--1-wallow-1) - I knew better when...
        * [o] A: [Weird concert/dinner](wallow-1-concert-feast)
        * [o] B: [Discernment - discussion with Borenson](lo-discernment-1)
    * [o] [Retreat](beats/07-seeds-of-doubt--2-retreat) - soft spots exposed
        * [o] A: Back to hotel, then hike by himself, talking with god
            * [o] [52](52) --- Remembering talking with god after moving back to sawtooth
            * [o] [53](53) --- Talking about previous entry, then goes for hike
        * [o] B: [Discernment - talk with god, decide to go with it](lo-discernment-3)
    * [o] [Choose fear](beats/07-seeds-of-doubt--3-choose-fear) - break up!
        * [o] A: [Hanging out, reading ???: totes not going to work out](choose-fear-1)
        * [o] B: [Discernment - struggling with self definition](lo-discernment-2)
    * [o] [Wallow #2](beats/07-seeds-of-doubt--4-wallow-2)
        * [o] B: [Discernment - leaving](lo-discernment-4)
        * [o] A: [Going home, feeling rough re: giving up](wallow-2)
8. [ ] [Choose love](beats/08-choose-love)
    * [ ] A: Decide maybe it's worth it as a way to move forward for once
9. [ ] [Plan](beats/09-plan)
    * [ ] A: Drafts email, sending a few before to build up the expectation of emails being a thing
    * [ ] B: Talks to god
10. [.] [Grand gesture](beats/10-grand-gesture)
    * [.] A: The Conversation™ (winds up not actually sending the email ha ha whoops, just starts conversation over text)
        * [.] [90](90)
11. [ ] [Ends with "no"](beats/11-ends-with-no)
    * [ ] A: Kay had picked up on it, decides pretty firmly on her end that she wants to keep friendship. Sigh, ah well (text, then call)
12. [ ] [Payoff](beats/12-payoff) (probably just one chapter of what-ifs)
    * [ ] A: Limerence fades, settle back into new, more open friendship/what could have been
    * [ ] B: Doubt fades, settle into lay life/what could have been
13. [ ] [Epilogue/hope](beats/13-epilogue) (again, probably just one chapter)
    * [ ] A: Plans another visit/okay being friends
    * [ ] B: Starts volunteering MH counselling services at church. --- Feast of St KT.

### Old outline

* [O] Act I
    * [O] [Starting to journal](10)
    * [O] [Liminal spaces and history](20)
    * [O] [A sudden memory](21)
    * [O] [Early crush](30)
    * [O] [Lunch 1 with Kay](31)
    * [O] [A dream](40)
* [o] Act II
    * [o] [Leaving seminary vs liking Kay](50)
    * [o] [Lunch 2 with Kay](51)
    * [o] [Talking with god part 1](52) !
    * [ ] [Talking with god part 2](53) !
    * [ ] [Visiting Kay part 1](54) !
    * [ ] [Visiting Kay part 2](55) !
    * [o] [Dee chickens out](60)
    * [o] [Confession](61)
    * [o] [Projection](70)
    * [o] [Egodystonic attraction](71)
    * [ ] [Lunch 3 with Kay](72)
* [.] Act III
    * [ ] [Calling Borenson](80)
    * [ ] [Talking with God](86)
    * [ ] 
    * [.] [The conversation](90)
* [ ] Conclusion
    * [ ] What would have happened
    * [ ] Talking with God again

### Todo

* [.] Include more Job/Ecclesiastes-type thoughts
* [ ] Quote scripture?
* [X] Integrate prequel in Dee's words
* [ ] Flesh out between current chapters.
* [ ] Takes place around July 14, feast of St Kateri Tekakwitha
* [ ] Make Dee's qualms about the church more in line with Discernment and less about doctrine of good works (because that's actually totally the catholics' thing)
* [ ] A few subplots!

[Feedback](feedback).