update from sparkleup
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<p>There was a sense of a sigh from the other end. “I am sorry, my love.”</p>
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<p>“Fuck, I’m sorry, E.W. That came out way snarkier than intended. I understand. I only meant to ask if it was the type of thing where I should fork and come by right away.”</p>
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<p>“Please,” End Waking said, sounding relieved. “There is nothing to be done, but I am very impatient to speak with someone.”</p>
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<p>Debarre laughed. “You? Impatient? I’ll be right over.”</p>
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<p>“You? Impatient?” Debarre laughed. “I’ll be right over.”</p>
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<p>He forked off Debarre#RelEW and watched him step from the sim, then spent another few seconds looking out into the yard, trying to remember the last time anything had been so important that it had required him leaving immediately.</p>
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<p>Something other than a tree falling on End Waking, that was.</p>
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<p>“Well, shit,” he mumbled turning to head back inside. “This is gonna be a mess.”</p>
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<hr />
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<p>Debarre#RelEW was greeted by the sight of End Waking sitting cross-legged in the clearing across from May Then My Name.</p>
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<p>“Oh, company,” he said, frowning. “Wasn’t expecting two of you.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, does that mean you are a fork?” May Then My Name said, frowning at End Waking.</p>
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<p>“You messaged…wait, does that mean you are a fork?” May Then My Name said, frowning at End Waking.</p>
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<p>“It does, yes.”</p>
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<p>“I never knew you had it in you,” she said, sounding proud. To Debarre, she said, “Did this asshole tell you why I am here?”</p>
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<p>He gave her a hug before sitting down with them. “He said it had something to do with you, Ioan, and True Name, and that he needed to talk to a non-Odist. That’s why I was surprised.”</p>
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@ -37,9 +37,9 @@
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<p>He shoved at the skunk, who giggled.</p>
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<p>“Well, okay. What’s up? You finally merge down?”</p>
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<p>She blinked, looking startled. “Yes, actually. How did you guess?”</p>
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<p>“Ioan mentioned it when we talked last.” He grinned. “How’d it go? Did she explode?”</p>
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<p>“Not at all, no.” She shrugged, poking at the dirt with a twig. “Actually, I am actually quite fond of her, now.”</p>
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<p>“Bullshit.”</p>
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<p>“Ioan mentioned it when we talked last. How’d it go? Did she explode?”</p>
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<p>“Not at all, no.” She shrugged, poking at the dirt with a twig. “Actually, I am finding myself rather fond of her, now.”</p>
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<p>“Bullshit,” he growled.</p>
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<p>“Debarre,” End Waking murmured. </p>
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<p>May Then My Name waved a paw. “It is okay. You do not have to like her. You do not have to interact with her. End Waking wanted you to know about some of the practical considerations, but neither of us are planning on swaying your opinion of her.”</p>
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<p>He frowned and leaned back on his palms. “Sorry. I guess I’m just worried about you. She’s not exactly known for her openness and honesty without ulterior motives, so.”</p>
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@ -49,7 +49,7 @@
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<p>“Wait, <em>you’ve</em> been talking with her, too?”</p>
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<p>“Yes.”</p>
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<p>He shook his head. He could already feel his hackles up, and this wasn’t helping. “Can’t fucking believe it.”</p>
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<p>May Then My Name frowned, leaned over to hug him around the shoulders, and whispered, “I am going to leave you two it, but first, remember who you were, who you are, and imagine who you will become, but above all, remember that you love him and that he loves you. Let go, and have fun. Those are the rules of engagement.”</p>
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<p>May Then My Name frowned, leaned over to hug him around the shoulders, and whispered, “I am going to leave you to it, but first, remember who you were, who you are, and imagine who you will become, but above all, remember that you love him and that he loves you. Let go, and have fun. Those are the rules of engagement.”</p>
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<p>After a moment’s hesitation, he returned the hug. Had she said it in anything less than her most earnest voice, he might have scoffed, and as it was, he could see himself falling for the gentle manipulation as though from a meter above. He could resent her, but she had said exactly what it was that he needed to hear.</p>
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<p>Because of course she had.</p>
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<p>“You’re such an asshole,” he whispered back, then kissed her cheek to take the sting out of the words. “I’ll do my best. Now, shoo.”</p>
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<p>Debarre rubbed his paws over his face. “Where’s your root instance? Within an hour’s walk?”</p>
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<p>End Waking nodded. “Up-river, yes. Would you like me to walk you there?”</p>
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<p>He shook his head. “Give me some time to think. There’s still some of me that’s stuck on dinner parties, then another chunk on this whole thing, and another still on May telling me about these rules of engagement or whatever.”</p>
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<p>The skunk smiled faintly. “Twenty minutes’ walk up-river, then. He knows that you are coming.”</p>
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<p>The skunk smiled faintly. “Twenty minutes’ walk up-river, then. He will know that you are coming.”</p>
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<p>After End Waking quit, Debarre started to trudge up the faint trail that they’d worn heading up along the river.</p>
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<p>He knew that May Then My Name was right, that he probably needed to at least take into account that if Sasha and Michelle could change enough to make the Odists, that surely True Name could change enough to become someone that even her up-tree instances could like, just as he knew that he probably shouldn’t take that out on End Waking, frustrated as he was.</p>
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<p>It was hard to square the image of his boyfriend and True Name meeting up voluntarily. What was it that he’d said when Ioan had come by asking after camping supplies? <em>“I will help but I will not speak with her”</em>?</p>
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<p>Still, it was hard to square the image of his boyfriend and True Name meeting up voluntarily. What was it that he’d said when Ioan had come by asking after camping supplies? <em>“I will help but I will not speak with her”</em>?</p>
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<p><em>Remember that you love him,</em> he thought, even as he trudged up the path. <em>Even if you’re working to undermine all that shit that she’s done with Jonas, at least you still love E.W.</em></p>
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<p>The skunk as crouching at the edge of the stream, washing his paws after having apparently just finished gutting a trio of large trout.</p>
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<p>The skunk was crouching at the edge of the stream, washing his paws after having apparently just finished gutting a trio of large trout.</p>
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<p>“I understand if you are upset, Debarre,” he said, not looking up. He kept looking down at his paws as he scrubbed.</p>
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<p>“No,” Debarre said, sitting down next to the skunk. “Or, well, I am, but it’s whatever. I just don’t see how something as stupid as May Then My Name merging down solves anything about this. Suddenly, you two are all buddy-buddy?”</p>
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<p>“No,” Debarre said, sitting down next to him. “Or, well, I am, but it’s whatever. I just don’t see how something as stupid as May Then My Name merging down solves anything about this. Suddenly, you two are all buddy-buddy?”</p>
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<p>End Waking shook his paws free of most of the water before drying them on the hem of his cloak. “We are not. I am pleased that she is no longer who she was, but she is not a friend. She is not me.”</p>
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<p>“But you’re visiting her!”</p>
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<p>“May Then My Name has asked me over a few times.” The skunk finally looked at him, gaze level and expression flat. “Did you not say that you would rather she not die?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know, my love,” he said after a long silence. “If I am defined by not being her, by not being what I was, then what is left? I cannot say my love for you, because all of the clade has that to some extent. I cannot even say that I have being an Odist, because, after all these years and with all of her changes over the last few months, I am not even sure that I am that.”</p>
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<p>“You can be just End Waking,” Debarre said gently. “Like, you can just drop the clade and be that nerd who lives in the woods.”</p>
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<p>The skunk laughed and elbowed him in the side. “We have rather turned our clade identity into idolatry of a sort, have we not?”</p>
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<p>“Don’t get me wrong, I like where you came from! But I won’t be pissed if you drop your clade identifier. Hell, maybe you can even start saying things like ‘don’t’ and ‘haven’t’.”</p>
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<p>“Don’t get me wrong, I like where you came from! But I won’t be pissed if you drop your clade identifier. Hell, maybe you can even start saying things like ‘don’t’ and ‘isn’t’.”</p>
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<p>“Do not push your luck.”</p>
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<p>They laughed.</p>
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<p>“You don’t have to have this sorted out, though.” He shrugged, adding, “You don’t even have to stop seeing True Name. I’m sorry I got angry there. I think I just got upset because any chance that you might start liking her felt like something of a betrayal.”</p>
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<p>“I am a ways off from liking her yet, Debarre. I will not say never, but I may yet get to the point where I tolerate her. I will not betray you, though. You or your reactionary friends or whatever she called them.”</p>
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<p>“I am a ways off yet from liking her, Debarre. I will not say never, but I may yet get to the point where I tolerate her. I will not betray you, though. You or your reactionary friends or whatever she called them.”</p>
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<p>Debarre scrambled to his feet, eyes darting around through the trees. “What the fuck?”</p>
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<p>“The sim is empty, my dear,” the skunk said mildly. “I empty it every time someone enters.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah, but–“</p>
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<p>“You are, yes, and doubtless the powers that be have been keeping their eye on you since Secession. I do not know the specifics, nor do I want to. As I said, I will not betray you.” End Waking smiled wryly, adding, “And I do not think I am of much interest to any of them, anyway. I rarely leave, and I never enter a building when I do. I am more focused on my next meal that anything else.”</p>
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<p>“Skunks just wanna get fat.”</p>
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<p>End Waking grinned toothily. “It is not <em>not</em> true.”</p>
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<p>“Well, anyway. Fair enough. I don’t imagine you ratting us out, and you’re right that they probably already know. I’m just glad that you’ve been sweeping the place.”</p>
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<p>“Well, anyway. Fair enough. I don’t imagine you’ll be ratting us out, and you’re right that they probably already know. I’m just glad that you’ve been sweeping the place.”</p>
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<p>“I have never caught anyone hitchhiking on you, though I have on May Then My Name and Ioan.” He shrugged, gathered up the line of fish. “But speaking of fat, can we go back to cook these? I am not ready for you to stay over, but I would like to eat dinner with you, if you are up for it.”</p>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-08</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-17</p>
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<p>Debarre was still mostly full from dinner at home, but he had a few bites of fish forked from End Waking’s plate. Tasty, but, as always, lacking in salt.</p>
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<p>After they ate, End Waking tasked Debarre with washing off the plate while he tucked another small log into the stove and started the kettle for tea, which they shared while sitting on the step at the entrance to the tent, keeping the last of the spring chill away.</p>
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<p>“So, my political junkie friends aside, do you have a better idea of what’s going on with Jonas and company?”</p>
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<p>End Waking shrugged. “A little, perhaps. I think it is this upcoming A/V tech. I do not think he wanted–“</p>
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<p>End Waking shrugged. “A little, perhaps. I think it is this upcoming audio-video tech. I do not think he wanted–“</p>
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<p>“Moment,” Debarre said, holding up a paw while he sent a hasty message back home. “Sorry. We’d been guessing at that, just sent a confirmation. Done now.”</p>
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<p>“Please do not act on it yet, my dear.”</p>
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<p>So serious was the skunk’s tone that Debarre set down his mug of tea and turned to face him. “I won’t, but you gotta tell me why.”</p>
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<p>“Good.”</p>
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<p>End Waking smiled. “I know that you do, but it is always pleasing to have confirmation that you think so much of me, Debarre.”</p>
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<p>“Of course I do,” he scoffed. “But I interrupted, sorry. You were saying?”</p>
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<p>“Right. With this AEC technology, I think that Jonas sees an opening to edge True Name out. I do not know why, but she mentioned something about a diversity of governance across Systems. I do not agree with him on this. I think he is playing a dangerous game by treating each of the Systems so different. Each System treating itself as a separate country is one thing, but potentially destabilizing them by giving each a different form of governance feels like him treating politics as his plaything. I do not like it.”</p>
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<p>“Right. With this AEC technology, I think that Jonas sees an opening to edge True Name out. I do not know why, but she mentioned something about a diversity of governance across Systems. I do not agree with him on this. I think he is playing a dangerous game by treating each of the Systems so differently. Each System treating itself as a separate country is one thing, but potentially destabilizing them by giving each a different form of governance feels like him treating politics as his plaything. I do not like it.”</p>
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<p>The longer End Waking spoke, the deeper Debarre’s frown got. “Yeah, ever since they set up that Guiding Council thing over on Pollux, we’ve been wondering about that. It sounds innocuous enough. Reasonably close to the Council of Ten over on Artemis, I guess, just folks you can go talk to about disagreements and mediation, at least on the surface. That part was inoffensive, but that they would even do such a thing in the face of the <em>History</em> is just wild.”</p>
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<p>End Waking shrugged. “You know more than I on that end. I do not keep up with either LV beyond what you and Ioan care to pass on.”</p>
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<p>((What EW hopes to learn from the visit with Jonas, EW is mostly just there to witness, or to be scared into silence, but Debarre worries that it’s to scare <em>him</em> into silence. Why is he even going? Because this feels like a step towards letting go and becoming independent))</p>
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<p>((Debarre heads back home to afterdinner w/ a few people, talks in generalities, that something big is coming soon, that he’ll keep them up to date, but that life will be getting both more and less simple in the next little bit))</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-08</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-17</p>
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@ -88,35 +88,35 @@
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</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> Apprehension — EW merges down and TN has to deal; Ioan and May have to consider ramifications<ul>
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<li class="done2"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> Apprehension — EW merges down and TN has to deal; Ioan and May have to consider ramifications<ul>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="018.html">Retreat: perspective</a> — TN recovering, trying to reconcile her calling vs penance</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="019.html">Retreat: memories</a> — After talking with TN about her memories from EW about Debarre, Ioan starts to feel icky about TN having May’s memory of their relationship</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="020.html">TN Choose Fear</a> — TN says she can’t deal, pulls back from both May and Ioan, stays at Arrowhead lake with new camping knowledge (We learn about TN’s relationship)</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="021.html">May Choose Fear</a> — May overflows (just a few days), claims the home</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="019.html">Retreat: memories</a> — After talking with TN about her memories from EW about Debarre, Ioan starts to feel icky about TN having May’s memory of their relationship</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="020.html">TN Choose Fear</a> — TN says she can’t deal, pulls back from both May and Ioan, stays at Arrowhead lake with new camping knowledge (We learn about TN’s relationship)</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="021.html">May Choose Fear</a> — May overflows (just a few days), claims the home</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> CHAPTER Debarre 2350<ul>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="022.html">Ioan chooses fear</a> — Ioan’s really struggling with the idea of May merging, but also really wants to help, but now May’s gone, goes to stay with Douglas, who calls Debarre over for historical context</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="023.html">Something innocent</a> — Debarre talks about his relationship with EW, plus EW’s merging down from his point of view</li>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Debarre 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="022.html">Ioan chooses fear</a> — Ioan’s really struggling with the idea of May merging, but also really wants to help, but now May’s gone, goes to stay with Douglas, who calls Debarre over for historical context</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="023.html">Something innocent</a> — Debarre talks about his relationship with EW, plus EW’s merging down from his point of view</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="024.html">Ioan’s wallow 2</a> — Now <em>Ioan’s</em> struggling, crushed at both May overflowing and TN requesting her own time alone, while ey’s the only one with both sides. Has at least one sensorium conversation with each.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="025.html">May recovers</a> — Visits, says hi etc, brings Ioan back home.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="026.html">May and TN’s Wallow 2</a> — May’s feeling bad because she can’t help, also starting to agree with Ioan: not fair to them as a couple for TN to have those memories</li>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="024.html">Ioan’s wallow 2</a> — Now <em>Ioan’s</em> struggling, crushed at both May overflowing and TN requesting her own time alone, while ey’s the only one with both sides. Has at least one sensorium conversation with each.</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="025.html">May recovers</a> — Visits, says hi etc, brings Ioan back home.</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="026.html">May and TN’s Wallow 2</a> — May’s feeling bad because she can’t help, also starting to agree with Ioan: not fair to them as a couple for TN to have those memories</li>
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<li class="rejected"> MERGED ABOVE <a href=".html">TN’s wallow 2</a> — TN’s really struggling when they go visit her. Zacharias is there on behalf of Jonas when they get there, we learn that Jonas used him and his ‘secret’ to manipulate her. This means the lake is compromised.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="027.html">Choose love: TN’s offer</a> — TN comes back, few days of attempted normalcy, topic of May merging comes up, May and Ioan mention apprehensions, but TN is actually kind of for it. She needs the change, needs good as well as bad, but she’ll also have memories of their apprehensions and can work with that</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="028.html">Choose love: Ioan and May</a> — Ioan expands on this when they’re alone, and they talk about how TN won’t just have May’s memories wholesale, she’ll have a synthesis. May agrees, thinks knowing love is only ever going to be a good thing, TN also deserves that (plus memories of resentment will open things up). May’s little lie about ‘merging down every few years’ comes up, she hasn’t in nearly two centuries</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="027.html">Choose love: TN’s offer</a> — TN comes back, few days of attempted normalcy, topic of May merging comes up, May and Ioan mention apprehensions, but TN is actually kind of for it. She needs the change, needs good as well as bad, but she’ll also have memories of their apprehensions and can work with that</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="028.html">Choose love: Ioan and May</a> — Ioan expands on this when they’re alone, and they talk about how TN won’t just have May’s memories wholesale, she’ll have a synthesis. May agrees, thinks knowing love is only ever going to be a good thing, TN also deserves that (plus memories of resentment will open things up). May’s little lie about ‘merging down every few years’ comes up, she hasn’t in nearly two centuries</li>
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<li class="rejected"> MERGED ABOVE <a href=".html">Choose love: decision</a> — TN realizes that changing is probably the only real way out of all of this, and really? That’s not so bad. Besides, maybe she has a plan, though not complete enough to share yet, they decide to go through with it</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> Reconciliation — After the merge and TN’s collapse, she has to process two centuries of memories while Ioan and May have to process the results of the merge<ul>
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<li class="done2"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="029.html">Plan and risk</a> — they plan together on how to make this a more deliberate thing than the merger with EW, setting up a nest in which she can process comfortably, Ioan lays in supplies, TN negotiates boundaries and how they’ll shift, May merges down</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="030.html">Grand gesture</a> — TN processes, cries a lot, they talk about what this means (acknowledging that talking boundaries is a new thing for TN) It goes well enough that her fork quits</li>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="029.html">Plan and risk</a> — they plan together on how to make this a more deliberate thing than the merger with EW, setting up a nest in which she can process comfortably, Ioan lays in supplies, TN negotiates boundaries and how they’ll shift, May merges down</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="030.html">Grand gesture</a> — TN processes, cries a lot, they talk about what this means (acknowledging that talking boundaries is a new thing for TN) It goes well enough that her fork quits</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> CHAPTER Debarre 2350<ul>
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