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Madison Scott-Clary 2022-03-18 00:05:18 -07:00
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writing/post-self/mitzvot/sorina/001.html
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<p>I need to talk to someone about this. I need to talk to someone who truly understands. I talk to Sarah quite a bit, of course, both in a therapeutic and a professional context, but there needs to be that sense of connection to the matter on a more personal level than just therapist to client. She&rsquo;s a delight to work with and an amazing teacher (as are Artante and Anin Li).</p>
<p>In our sessions, we came up with a very specific way to deal with this decision that I&rsquo;ve made. In order to ensure that I can learn to cherish who I was and who was in my life, I need to reinforce the positive memories of what I had. I need to make sure that those are stronger than the negative ones. I don&rsquo;t want that final, terrible morning to weigh on me more strongly than all of the good times that we had together</p>
<p>(but they still have each other, so each of their letters kept dragging me back into it)</p>
<p>(reframing as exes)</p>
<p>(if I sound panicky, it&rsquo;s because I am; I&rsquo;m forgetting)</p>
<p>(This letter in the strictest confidence, I will be in touch with more, less painfully immediate news)</p>
<p>I love you, Ioan. I love you in that weird, roundabout way that a distant up-tree fork does. I love you for your completeness. I love you for being me, and yet not. I love you for being Ioan and not Codrin. I love you for the solidity that I remember of you through Codrin&rsquo;s eyes. I love who you used to be. I love who you&rsquo;ve become. I love who you will be.</p>
<p>I want nothing more than to say pass on my love, but please, Ioan, please don&rsquo;t.</p>
<p>I&rsquo;ll just say &ldquo;all my love&rdquo; and be done with it.</p>
<p>Sorina Bălan<br />
13 er-ularaeäl, 4778 Artemis Reckoning</p>
<p><strong><em>END IOAN BĂLAN INDIVIDUAL-EYES-ONLY MATERIAL</em></strong></p>
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